My Birthday Wishes

Dear Santa,
My birthday is coming up, and I have three wishes. I want five kilos of Peruvian cocaine, William Shatner to eat pudding, and Will Leitch to stay the hell away from my birthday party.

In exchange, I am willing to take care of your problem with the Bolivian Consulate and see to it that your citizenship is returned.

Thank you in advance,
Mr. Feelings


Dear Mr. Feelings,
#1: Those Kilos are coming in mail.

#2: KAZAAAM!

#3: That shit can't be helped. Would you settle for a Thai sex slave?

Let me know as I desperately need to travel through Bolivia and would certainly appreciate the ability to vote.

Thanks,
Santa